So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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