i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
