So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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