he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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