her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
