Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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