let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
