please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize