Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
