I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize