Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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