There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
These tits shall not be calmed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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