There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
