You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
