you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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