i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
