His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
