i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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