Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
