Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
