Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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