your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
