Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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