he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
