let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
