My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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