i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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