I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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