we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
