i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
