Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
