My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
