I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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