tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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