Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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