The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
