just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
