probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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