Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
