U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
