This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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