Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
