my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
