you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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