People with herpes should wear stickers.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
