Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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