She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
