So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
