Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tonight lets celebrate not being married
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
