but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
