pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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