left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
