I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
