it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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