dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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