I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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