Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
