Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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