I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
