Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I will pee on everything he values.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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