Where are you?
In a non slutty way
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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