thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize