i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
