There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
