Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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