I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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