Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
